This morning while on the train, I received whatsapp messages from Daniel. He was saying goodbye as he was on the plane, ready to take off back home. And then that's it. I don't know when the next time I'll see him, and I probably won't go to Indonesia so I won't see him there either.
I feel like.. my friends are leaving me, one by one. Those who are here (in particular, Loli), our friendship has... ended. Those who are dear, have left, or will be leaving. Tomorrow, I will be having a last lunch with Jenny before she, too, leaves Sydney and returns to Singapore. For her, at least I still have hope of meeting up in Hong Kong.
Is it my insecurities? I was looking at my 21st birthday photos and I can quite confidently say that, if it was this year, people I'd invite would be totally different. I don't even feel like I have friends to invite anymore. I don't talk to Ron anymore for obvious reasons. Pandas are all gone - Celeste, Daniel and Jenny are gone; I don't talk to Loli, Molly or Lawrence anymore. What did I do? I don't talk to Tony much. Cammy has returned back to Hong Kong. Do I have any friends left? When I was thinking who to invite, I was told to invite those who I'd think will stay. And at that time, I thought they would. I thought our friendships would last. But hardly any did, do or will.
My (lack of) friends have constantly been on my mind lately. I don't know why. Maybe I need more support and love this year. At least I have those happy memories, right? But what if I'm greedy? Those happy memories aren't enough, I want to make more. Not with different people, with the same people.
No comments:
Post a Comment